Thursday, 12 April 2012

I just renewed my car insurance today and I've noticed that all the websites are exactly the same. Therefore I looked deeper into it and got to these pages:

Reading them, it became obvious how to become the world's richest person:

The recipe is:
  1. Ask "nicely" the government to pass a law to oblige all the citizens to buy your product (say... car insurance)
  2. Create the competition: create several "sister" companies that will sell the same product (ex: Admiral, Elephant, Gladiator, etc)
  3. You make sure that the customer buys from you : create a comparison website for the products that you sell (,
  4. You create the main company in a tax free heaven: Gibraltar and move all the profits there before you are taxed.

How to increase the profits even more:
  1. If the government won't force people to buy more of your products (probably because they would riot), when you sell your main product force the people to read your advertising regarding other products (life insurance, accident insurance etc)
  2. If this doesn't work online, disable online payments and make people call so you can explain them all your products and ensure that you try all selling tactics as longs as possible. You also provide them with a different price than the one online, hoping that they won't notice.
  3. If your product costs you too much (the claims too high), get the government to pay more to the police, maybe they can arrest any of your clients that are increasing your costs.
  4. If you really have to pay a claim, find any reason not to. Get your more experienced people into this department and pay them a percentage of the money that they save you. This department will be able to get you to pay less than you agreed for.
  5. Increase your product fee every year and automatically charge the clients. Make sure that if they do not want to renew they are not able to cancel online; Force them to call a premium number (where you charge every minute 5-10 pence) and keep them on hold for half an hour.
And the top of hypocrisy: 
Even that you provide no product, and you damage the society, proud yourself with your professionalism and service. Here is a quote from a letter received from one insurance company: "I hope you have been happy with our service so far. We have set our sights on achieving the 'perfect' service"


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